ricard's thoughts

new and in swedish

2007-07-25T13:26:00.000+02:00

I started a new blog today, in Swedish. Check it out:
http://elgee.blogg.se

oh god, the noise...

2007-06-29T07:43:00.001+02:00

Yes, it's noisy in the apartment. It's been noisy for about two hours now. Lina thinks it's the waterpipes, but I don't think so. For two hours straight? Who the hell showers that long?

And to top it all off, my internet connection keeps dropping off and on. Irritating. I just hope the noise stops before I go to bed soon.

Featured link of the day: Bob Loblaw's Law Blog. Read the title out loud.

for one of my favorite people out there...

2007-06-25T00:48:00.000+02:00

wedding...

2007-06-16T17:48:00.001+02:00

this is a song by a gay guy...

2007-06-03T22:33:00.000+02:00

Rick Astley's debut single, "Never Gonna Give You Up" contrasted the singer's expressive, soulful baritone with synthesized dance-club backing, and while the highly processed quality of the latter sometimes seemed to overwhelm the former (no easy task), the song became a wildly popular smash, winding up as the biggest hit single of 1987 in the U.K. and topping the U.S. charts in early 1988.

The song was driven by a busy rhythm track and a synthesized string section strongly reminiscent of late-'70s disco productions, while Astley's distinctive voice boomed over the top. Perhaps the most memorable flourish on "Never Gonna Give You Up" is the way Astley handles the chorus, which alternates rapid-fire 16th notes with longer, off-the-beat triplets; his delivery is impeccably smooth, navigating the rhythmically shifting melody with ease.

It's not difficult to see, in retrospect, why Astley eventually grew tired of the Stock, Aitken & Waterman production team's work; while the slick sheen doesn't exactly rob Astley of his personality, the layers of echo don't really do much to accentuate or humanize it, either. Still, the song does demonstrate that Astley has a flair for up-tempo dance tracks, and it's such a well-crafted piece of music that the partnership between singer and producers seems fruitful enough to overlook any shortcomings.

Text shamelessly stolen from the YouTube-link above

if I was a psycho...

2007-05-19T01:22:00.000+02:00

Hello there Syberworld and all the other million readers I got.

On my way to work I ran over five different kinds of animal with my bike. One of them had an owner who made a big deal about it, but come on - dogs don't live forever, so I just took off.

When I was at work last night five hookers told me they wanted to have sex with me for free. I told them that I only wanted a hamburger, so they left. They were probably high on crack, possibly cocaine. Then my boss forced me to lick the floor of the restaurant. I licked the whole floor clean in 16 minutes, which is a world record.

After work I went to the store and bought a lottery ticket, and won a million Swedish crowns! I spent it all on this Nigerian prince who was banished from his kingdom, or something like that. That's what the email said, anyway. I also spent it on soda, which I hate.

Prediction: I will win Nobel Prize next year. Category: undecided. I could win them all if I wanted to.

Best movie ever: The Sweetest Thing

Fun fact: Squirrels are quite flat, even before you run them over.

Actual fact: This post is all bullshit, but I'm pretty sure you already understood that.

random scene from a movie

2007-05-15T23:34:00.000+02:00

From "A Clockwork Orange".

INT. PEDESTRIAN UNDERPASS TUNNEL - NIGHT

A Tramp lying in tunnel, singing.

TRAMP

In Dublin's fair city
Where the girls are so pretty
I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone
As she wheeled her wheelbarrow
Through streets wide and narrow...

Shadows of the boys approaching fall across Tramp.

TRAMP

Crying cockless and mussels alive,
Alive O...
Alive, alive O... Alive, alive O...
Crying cockless and mussels alive,
Alive O...

ALEX (V.O.)

One thing I could never stand is to see a filthy, dirty old drunkie, howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blerp, blerp in between as it might be a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, whatever his age might be, but more especially when he was real old like this one was.

The boys stop and applaud him.

TRAMP

Can you... can you spare some cutter, me brothers?

Alex rams his stick into the Tramp's stomach. The boys laugh.

TRAMP

Oh-hhh!!! Go on, do me in you bastard cowards. I don't want to live anyway, not in a stinking world like this.

ALEX

Oh - and what's so stinking about it?

TRAMP

It's a stinking world because there's no law and order any more. It's a stinking world because it lets the young get onto the old like you done. It's no world for an old man any more. What sort of a world is it at all? Men on the moon and men spinning around the earth and there's not no attention paid to earthly law and order no more.

The Tramp starts singing again.

TRAMP

Oh dear land, I fought for thee
and brought you peace and victory.

Alex and gang move in and start beating up on old Tramp.

You should really see the scene with your own eyes. This text doesn't nearly do it justice. The cinematography, the steam from Alex's mouth, and the ol' ultraviolence.

stupid people in theatres...

2007-05-10T23:30:00.000+02:00

Feeling a bit better. Only my nose is blown to bits and my throat is still killing me. Still a little feverish, but nothing like the post below. Yeesh, that was really something. The gnome is still here, though. Tried capturing him with my new camera, but he avoids it somehow.

I went to see "Spider-man 3" last week. I'm not gonna write about the movie, at least not now. I am gonna write about how fucking horrible the experience in the theatre was. First, the focus was off during the whole fucking movie. I complained twice to the projectionist, and on the second try he said that the whole print that was sent to the theatre was flawed, he couldn't get it any sharper. Let's illustrate.

This is how Spider-man should look:

This is what Spider-man looked like in the theatre I went to:

Granted, I could've just walked out and probably gotten my money back, but then I have to go to the next town so I could see another print, which is a hassle, considering I don't have a car. So I endured a blurry picture for 2 hours and 20 minutes. But that's not all I endured.

"Spider-man 3" marks the last time I go to a movie with a PG-13-rating (which in Sweden translates more or less automatically into age 11) on the premiere weekend, unless it's a night screening.

It should be known that unless the movie is so horribly bad I want to puke (like that sorry excuse for a movie called "The Sweetest Thing"), I try to live into the emotion that the movie wants to hit. When a group of eleven-year-olds (or possibly older) laugh obnoxiously at every single emotional point in the movie, it kinda brings me out of the experience. No, let me rephrase, it fucking ruins it. Sure, "Spider-man 3" is full of unintentional humor, but when that happens, you snicker a bit to yourself. You don't go "BWAHAHAHAHAH THATS STUPIDD AND FUNNI LOL ROFL STUPIDD MOVEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111".

This is why I don't want to write anything about the movie like I usually do. And now I hear "Die Hard 4.0" aka "Live Free or Die Hard" is getting a PG-13-rating. I give up. I should just wait for a good release from the pirate groups and just download the fucking thing from now on.

(By the way, still kidding about the gnome. No more gnome-jokes. For gnowme.)

feverish...

2007-05-09T00:55:00.000+02:00

Yes, I own that movie. Want it?

Sick again. Second time in two months, and I usually only get sick once or twice a year. And very far in between. I'm afraid to go to sleep. I'm sure it's just my fever playing tricks with me, which has never happened before. It never felt this real, at least. I want to take a shower, but I might wake Lina up, and she has to get up early to her job. The gnome in my shoe is eating my laces.
I just sneezed twice. I thought my nose was gonna explode.

By the way, I was totally kidding about the gnome. It's in the kitchen, eating biscuits.

Sneezed again. The gnome is laughing. What an ass.

Forgot to mention that I've gotten a new camera, finally. Maybe I can photograph my own death? I'm fucking brilliant!

Jesus, reading back, one might think I've gone and lost it. I haven't. Promise. I'll delete this when I'm feeling better.

random scene from a movie

2007-04-05T18:24:00.000+02:00

From "Collateral".

(After putting a body, who Vincent killed, into the trunk of Max's cab.)

MAX
Hey, why don't you
just take the cab?

VINCENT
"Take the cab..."?

MAX
Yeah, you take it.
I - I'll chill.
I'll just chill.
They don't even
know who's driving
these things half
the time anyway,
man. They never
check or anything.
Okay? So you just
take it. You, me...

VINCENT
You promise not
to tell anybody,

right?

MAX
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

VINCENT
Right?

MAX
Promise.

A beat.

VINCENT
Get in the
fucking car.

"Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!"

2007-03-27T08:20:00.000+02:00

This is Lenny.

it has arrived...

2007-03-05T11:04:00.000+01:00

I know, it looks a bit unimpressive in that light, but I'll post a few more images of this 37-inch beauty when I'm done playing with it. That didn't come out right. Bwahahaha.

big brother...

2007-03-04T07:00:00.000+01:00

Crazy Jack-Face 24, 25

2007-02-25T16:50:00.000+01:00

I know, there's been a lot of Jack-Faces lately, but this'll be the last one for a while. And for that, I thought I'd make it a little bit special. Enjoy.

"You think I trust you? That I'm gonna just do the surgery..."

"...and HOPE that you'll let me go?"

Crazy Jack-Face 20, 21, 22, 23

2007-02-25T16:15:00.000+01:00

"What are you..."

"DOING HERE?!"

"If you got something to watch, Cindy..."

"...GO WATCH IT!!!"

Crazy Jack-Face 19

2007-02-22T17:14:00.000+01:00

"You talked me into pushing that button once, John, but it's yours now."

Crazy Jack-Face 18

2007-02-12T05:54:00.000+01:00

"Kate, dammit, RUN!"

up and running again...

2007-02-10T00:25:00.000+01:00

Got the part I needed for my broken-ass computer, finally. Took me all day to get the part from the supermarket/postal office and work out a few kinks with the system when I replaced the part, but now it's like a brand new computer. Yay! Great success!

system down...

2007-02-06T03:36:00.000+01:00

Be back when it's fixed.

Update:

I know I posted this three times, but the cell gave a an error message after I tried to publish it. Anyway, now I'm using my girlfriend's old computer while I wait for the store to get the part I need to fix my computer.

Damn.

seven DVD's on my desk...

2007-01-28T02:46:00.000+01:00

I know, I usually go with five dvd's, but I felt like going crazy this time around. I'm a real nutjob, I'm tellin' ya!

1. Miller's Crossing

One of the best movies made by the Coen brothers, and one of the best period pieces ever made, period. Standouts in this movie are Albert Finney and John Turtorro, playing each other's opposites. Albert plays a crime boss, and John plays a sneaky squealer-type guy. Caught in between is Gabriel Byrne's character, trying to work out the conflict in the movie. Excellent film.

2. The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie

The kid in me really loves this movie. Sure, the animation is horrible, the voicework is severely exaggerated and overacted, and the story is laughable. I can't really explain why I like it, but I do. So shoot me.

3. Lord of War

Nicolas Cage acts really well as an arms dealer in this movie, in contrast to the YouTube movie I linked to in my last post. Vastly underrated and overlooked by nearly everyone, with a witty script and beautiful cinematography. Consider renting this when you don't know what to rent.

4. Good Night, and Good Luck

I never thought that I'd see George Clooney get nominated for Best Director at the Academy Awards, but this movie gave him one, and well-deserved, mind you. Apart from directing the movie, he also wrote and acted in it. Clooney has come a long way since "Return of the Killer Tomatoes" and "E.R.".

5. The Frighteners

Horror comedy signed Peter Jackson. Not one of his best, but still an entertaining and visually pleasing movie with Michael J. Fox. And who doesn't like Michael J. Fox? I know I do. Like him, that is.

6. Army of Darkness

The third movie in the "Evil Dead" trilogy. Sadly, like the second movie, it's more focused on slapstick humor and catchphrases than the horror, but if you like the other "Evil Deads", you'll want to see this too.

7. Limbo

A somber piece, in which the first two thirds are solely dedicated to character development, and the conflict of the movie only kicks in in the last third. Beautifully directed by John Sayles.

In other news, my girlfriend and me has decided to finally buy ourselves a new 37" HDTV in February. I'll let you know how it turns out. I can't wait!

best performance of the year...

2007-01-25T16:30:00.000+01:00

Okay, not really. Nicolas Cage was recently nominated for a Razzie Award, which give their award to the worst movies made during the year. Here's why he was nominated. Enjoy.

fuckin' hell...

2007-01-20T17:42:00.000+01:00

top 5 porn titles...

2007-01-12T18:23:00.000+01:00

I found these titles on bittorrent, and I thought they (the titles) were kinda funny. I'm not downloading them, I swear.

5. "Ass To Other Girls Mouth"
Yikes, too specific. Next.

4. "Smorgaswhores"
Whoo, clever.

3. "Mother Fucking Cream Pie Gang Bang 2"
Is this the movie with Jason Biggs?

2. "Attack Of The Monster Midget With A 10 Inch Cock"
Yes, this is a real title.

And now, the no. 1 porn title found on bittorrent today...
1. "Who Needs A Soulmate, Give Me A Holemate"

Honorable mention:
"Mad Sex Party Electro Cock Therapy"
Long titles are awesome.

my near-death experience...

2007-01-03T18:54:00.000+01:00

Last year, I came close to depart this world, forever. I almost died. It's stupid, really, but I really want to write this down somewhere before it becomes a vague memory.

About 8 months ago, I was having dinner, by myself. My girl was at work, and for some reason I was in a hurry. I was wolfing down a steak, and barely chewing it. Then it happens. A piece of the steak gets stuck in my throat. I can't breathe. It's stuck. The veins in my head feels like they're gonna explode. My lips went numb, and my legs folded. I knew this was it. I'm dead.

But I didn't die. Somehow I managed to ram my back into the refrigerator, and the piece of steak I was choking on moved. After repeating this a couple of times, I swallowed it, and I could breathe again. I collapsed on the floor for a minute or so, then I felt like I was gonna throw up. I fought the urge, because I didn't want to give the steak a second chance of choking me again.

Sometimes I wonder about what would've happened if I hadn't survived that. I think about what people would've said at my burial.

Death by steak.
Only 22 years old.
So fucking futile.

I mean, we all want our deaths to be meaningful, right? Until then, I thought my death would be. But I realized that regardless of age, health, sickness, whatever, dying in vain is the conventional death.

So sorry for the emo post. At least I learned a valuable lesson; Always chew your food properly. Something I've been told since I was an infant, but we all need a reminder sometimes.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2007-01-01T00:36:00.000+01:00

five DVD's on my desk...

2006-12-25T08:19:00.000+01:00

1. Die Hard 2 - Die Harder

Easily the worst of the Die Hard Trilogy (soon to be four films), but still enjoyable to watch if you want to see Bruce Willis say something cool after killing a bunch of bad guys.

2. The Third Man

Ahh, a classic, with a twist. Joseph Cotten plays a writer who finds out, after coming to Vienna regarding a job offer, that his best friend, Harry Lime, was killed in a freak car accident. After investigating the death of his friend, he finds out that Harry might've turned in to a different kind of friend right before the accident. See it, it has Orson Welles.

3. Dr. Strangelove
(or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb)
Another classic that everyone should see at least once. Both Peter Sellers and George C. Scott are phenomenal in this movie. Sellers plays no more than four parts in this dark comedy, and he plays every one of them perfectly. Must-see. Now.

4. Cidade de Deus - City of God
A movie about growing up in gangs in the streets of Rio de Janeiro. A very strong story and visually compelling, dispite being such a violent tale. Not for the weak of heart.

5. Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

If you haven't heard the name Shane Black before, chances are that you have seen one or more of the movies he has written. Lethal Weapon? Lethal Weapon 2? The Long Kiss Goodnight? The Last Boy Scout? Seen any of those? If you have, you've probably noticed that they have a very fast-paced, witty dialouge, a trademark of Black's, and Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is no different. This movie doesn't beat around the bush, and demands of it's audience that you keep up, so if you can't grip the story the first time, see it again until you do.

Oh, by the way... Merry Christmas.

penii cactii...

2006-12-21T13:42:00.000+01:00

In light of a comment left by my dear friend Logan in my previous post, I hereby give you this, as an early Christmas gift:

Yes, it is penii cactii. Shamlessly stolen from funlol.com. Enjoy.

so happy...

2006-12-17T08:12:00.000+01:00

bad things that happened today...

2006-12-16T03:30:00.000+01:00

The bad parts are bolded.

The day started with me leaving about 45 minutes late from work to fix a differential in the computer system. When I got home, I thought that I should fix the one and only problem I had with my new phone; I can't receive any media messages. Big mistake. At first, I spent an hour on the phone, talking to the service provider, which couldn't fix it. I then had to walk to the store where I bought the phone and stand around for an hour, then leave the phone there with them for an hour while I do other stuff, and they still couldn't fix it. I have to go back tomorrow to see if they can fix it then.

Later, when I started feeling hungry, I thought I'd order some thai take-away. I called, but their kitchen had just closed. Damn. "Oh well, good thing I bought some food earlier", I thought. When I opened the freezer, I noticed that everything in there is not frozen solid like it usually is. It turns out that I hadn't closed it properly, letting out all the cold, little by little, all day. All the food and my Rocky Road ice cream - destroyed. Except for the barbecue chicken drumsticks, which could still be cooked. Thankfully.

Oh, and I haven't gotten my paycheck in full, yet. Probably getting fixed before Christmas. I hope.

If good things happen tomorrow, I'll write about that. We'll see.

at work...

2006-12-15T04:48:00.000+01:00

using my cellphone to publish photos...

2006-12-14T17:12:00.001+01:00

Yeah, I know, the camera sucks in low light conditions, but it's still kinda cool, don't you agree? By the way, with my new phone came a new number, so if you are a friend of mine, but haven't gotten it yet, email me or leave a comment.

this is the first swede in space...

2006-12-10T09:53:00.000+01:00

Congratulations, Christer Fuglesang, for being the first Swede in space. Your long wait has finally paid off. Good luck.

Crazy Jack-Face 16, 17

2006-12-05T19:22:00.000+01:00

"Where the hell..."

"...WERE YOU?!"

"that last hand... nearly killed me."

2006-12-03T01:52:00.000+01:00

Went to see Casino Royale today with my girlfriend. I never thought that I'd actually go and see a Bond-movie in the theater, less actually enjoy it. This is, hands down, one of the best Bond-movies I've ever seen, if not the best. Allow me to explain.

I have grown a big distaste for the older Bond-movies, just because it's so formulaic. Every one of them has a villain that basically wants to take over the world, and Bond is the only one who has the wits and charms to weasel himself into the villain's girlfriend, wife, lover, what have you. Q, the gadget man, provides Bond with something that saves his life later in the movie.

He then has a formal meeting with the villain, just to size each other up. Then Bond is chased, but escapes from the evil henchmen. Later, Bond is trapped by the evil villain, but the villain decides to explain his master plan before he tries to kills him. Villain leaves, but Bond, with the help of Q's gadget, escapes, kills the incompetent henchman in charge of killing him, then the main villain, and goes off on a boat somewhere, while doing the nasty with the woman he weaseled himself into earlier.

That said, I actually enjoy one or two of the Bond-flicks, but only for it's campy value. The first one is Goldfinger, mainly because of the scene where the villain has Bond strapped to a table, with a laser inches away from slicing off his manhood, but decides NOT to kill him, for some ridiculous reason. The second one is The Man With The Golden Gun, because it was the first Bond-movie I ever saw. Plus, it has Christopher Lee in it. And that wacky redneck sheriff from Texas.

"Hey! You're that secret agent! That English secret agent!
From England!"

So, what did I like about this movie? First off, the dialouge is superior to any of the other movies. It also has a couple of clever visual gags, and you are smirking through almost the entire movie, sometimes even laughing. Also, no gadgets. And a lot of blood. Oh, and the new title sequence was really cool.

Daniel Craig does a very good job as a more ruthless, violent Bond. Not much else to say about his performance, really. It's spot on. Mads Mikkelsen and Eva Green likewise. Not exactly Academy Award material, but believable enough for this movie.

What didn't I like? The length. This is basically my only complaint about the movie. The movie suffers from lengthy action sequences, that not only forces you to suspend disbelief (not uncommon for the Bond franchise), but are borderline tedious. They could have easily been cut in half, and given us a tighter movie. Also, as with every Bond movie, we have the obvious product placement from Sony scattered throughout the movie. Annoying.

So, my recommendation is that if you want to see a new, fresh, improved Bond, see this movie. It's not the best movie I've seen this year, but you'll have a good time. 4 kills out of 5.

they see me rollin', they hatin'...

2006-11-27T23:30:00.000+01:00

...but at least I'm not riding dirty.

Note: Not me in the picture.

happy birthday to me...

2006-11-21T23:46:00.000+01:00

Today is my birthday. I have revolved 23 times around the sun. Yay.

Okay, enough about that. I promised I'd write a bit about my new job, so that's what I'm gonna do. First off, staying up all night is not that hard. I'm a night-guy, it comes naturally. The hardest thing about the job is really just getting to the job. It takes about 20 minutes to get there, but part of the road is in really bad shape. And there's a lot of steep upward slopes getting there. I can't even imagine how tough it'll be once the snow comes. So I'm thinking about getting a moped.

Best parts about my new job? You can really do things at your own pace. And my new colleagues. Oh, and my new boss is a really cool guy. No, he's not reading this, so I'm not kissing his ass. He really is a cool guy. At least I don't think he's reading this.

That's all for now. Cheers, guys and gals.

yes, it is over...

2006-11-13T21:13:00.000+01:00

Yeah, I took the nighttime job. As of today, I'm a receptionist. At a hotel. Sure, it'll be a tough time working those hours, but I think I made the right choice. I'm gonna stop writing here for a while, now that I'm settling in. I'll be back, though.

Funny thing I should mention; I beat out more than a hundred other applicants, maybe even two hundred, I'm not sure. I asked my new boss how many had applied for this job, and he showed how high the stack of papers were between his thumb and his index finger, and people, it was a really big stack. I don't know what I did in the interview, or what happened, but I'm mighty honored that I was chosen over all those other people. I guess everyone catches a break every once in a while.

Cheers!

it is over...

2006-11-10T18:13:00.000+01:00

So hey, guess what? I got a job! No, strike that, I got TWO jobs to choose from. So, in the end, I have one job, but... you know what I mean.

The first job is the one at the floor store, part time, which was offered when my boss found out I got the other job. The other job is at a hotel, as a nighttime receptionist. Full time. I think I might take it. I think. I mean, working night is really demanding, not just on your psyche, but on your social life as well. But still, it's a full time job, and I need the money, so...

I still have some time to figure it out. I'll keep you posted. Yay! Now, I'm off to Pop Quiz at the pub.

Crazy Jack-Face 15

2006-11-08T23:50:00.000+01:00

"Hnnnngh!"

living in a state of conformity...

2006-11-01T22:29:00.000+01:00

I promised that I'd write about my job when I had the energy. Wait, job? No, I wouldn't call it job. A job gives you money when you give them your time, energy and your services. I'm not getting any money (yet) so I'm not sure what to call it. "Limbo"?

Ever since I got unemployed, people from everywhere started telling me what to do, how to look and what to think. People I don't know. The unemployment office, interviewers, community workers. Forcing me to attend programs that only costs money and doesn't amount to a damn thing. Basically, I felt like I was being treated like a fucking child most of the time. Telling me things I already knew, repeatedly. "Fall in and march, motherfucker"! It hasn't really bothered me until recently. I'm not sure why, but I bet it has something to do with this godawful weather. I can't stand it.

I guess it won't stop until I get employed somewhere. Then maybe I can start living my life again.

my first day...

2006-10-30T17:38:00.000+01:00

completed my first training day at the floor store. so... very... tired. can't even... begin sentences... with capital letters. i'll write more about it another day, when i get into it.
the first day is always the hardest, right?

Crazy Jack-Face 14

2006-10-28T23:40:00.000+02:00

"I don't care whether or not they called you... you made a mistake!"

yes, it is true...

2006-10-28T08:16:00.000+02:00

NOT work-safe.

one floor, two floor, three floor, four...

2006-10-26T12:46:00.000+02:00

I got a trainee-position today, which could very well lead to a full-time job. It's not a very stimulating job (basically secretary work and helping out in the store), but it could bring in some serious cash my way. Besides, it's easier getting another job when you already have one. Kinda like getting a new girl when you already have a girlfriend.

The company sells and installs floors, by the way. Hardwood, linoleum, tiles, stuff like that. I guess it's not that bad.

Hi, my name is Ricard. I sell floors for a living.

2006-10-25T13:08:00.001+02:00

_fuck fuck ^fuck fuck _fuck fuck ^fuck fuck _fuck fuck ^fuck fuck _fuck fuck^fuck fuck _fuck fuck ^fuck fuck _fuck fuck ^fuck fuck _fuck fuck ^fuck fuck _fuck fuck ^fuck fuck _fuck fuck ^fuck fuck _fuck fuck ^fuck fuck _fuck fuck^fuck fuck _fuck fuck ^fuck fuck_fuck fuck

Needless to say, I'm pretty pissed off today.

everything will be ok...

2006-10-24T18:43:00.000+02:00

if i act like myself everything will be ok
if i tell her what's in my heart everything will be ok
if i eat salad everything will be ok
if i work my ass off everything will be ok
if i smile everything will be ok
if i am supportive everything will be ok
if i drink everything will be ok
if i wear proper clothing everything will be ok
if i am talented everything will be ok
if i have friends everything will be ok
if i clean my room everything will be ok
if i listen everything will be ok
if i am funny everything will be ok
if i forgive everything will be ok
if i erase my mind everything will be ok
if i smile everything will be ok

shamelessly stolen and modified from http://happyllama.livejournal.com/

just for the fun of it...

2006-10-21T23:48:00.000+02:00

I forgot these clips in my last post, so here they are.

Oh, awkward...

Exaggeration, hm? Like everything you say is one of those "lies"?

come on, doesn't everyone enjoy a good rape joke...?

2006-10-21T00:26:00.000+02:00

In light of the public whoopsie Vladimir Putin made recently, I'd like to show two clips of world leaders who actually have a sense of humor. Enjoy.

(Maybe the last one counts as multiple whoopsies. I dunno. What do you think?)

hell on earth...

2006-10-19T23:18:00.000+02:00

What's more depressing than actually being out of a job? I'll tell you; being forced to work for free, which is what is on my agenda for the next month. I have a week to either get a trainee-position myself, or being put to work into the community workshop, which I hear is worse than death itself. I guess I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and hope that something good comes my way. Maybe I can try to weasel out of some hours, but still... It's gonna be really frustrating. And depressing.

I'm gonna buy a lottery ticket tomorrow, and hope for the best.

little people scrub and clean my teeth when I sleep at night...

2006-10-17T00:48:00.000+02:00

Well, I'm all better now. The cold has gone bye-bye. Nice knowing ya. Don't come back, ever. Enough about that, let's talk about a little something that was dropped through my mail-slot this morning.

Don Hertzfeldt is an amazing film-maker. His unique style, his meticulous attention to detail and sense of humor has captured the hearts and minds of many many many, and mine as well. The first time I got exposed to Don's work was when I saw his short "Billy's Balloon", a sadistic portrayal of an evil red balloon and a boy who is subject to the balloons torture. I was about 16 or 17 when I saw it on TV, I think, and I kicked and cursed myself repeatedly for not recording it so I can show it to my friends.

"Billy's Balloon", 1998

A couple of years later, I saw a movie called "Rejected" on TV. Shorts like these don't usually get aired on Swedish TV. I don't know what the reasons were for showing "Billy's Balloon", but in this case I can make a qualified guess, although I don't really know for sure. I may be wrong. Anyway, the animated shorts that are nominated for an Academy Award usually become a part of SVT's (Sveriges Television - Swedish Television) Oscar Evening, which means that SVT airs the nominated shorts before the actual show. "Rejected" was nominated, so I guess it was aired for that reason. I wasn't aware of this at the time, but it has been so the last years I've followed the Oscars. I, once again, failed to record it, so I did the kicking and cursing myself again. Hard.

"Rejected", 2000

So, I was watching "Rejected", and I knew I recognized the style from somewhere, but I couldn't figure out from where. I wrote Don's name down on a piece of paper, so I would remember it, but I lost it somehow. It wouldn't occur to me until years later that Don had done both movies, when I stumbled on to a link to a video online. After a long time downloading (56k dial-up, woo) I saw that I had stumbled upon a low-quality version of "Rejected". For what it's worth, at least it made sure I would remember Don's name from now on. Searched it on the IMDb, and the rest is history.

On to what fell through my mail-slot this morning;
"Bitter films - vol. 1", a collection of all the animated shorts the Don made during 1995 to 2005. This DVD really has everything one could ask for regarding Don's shorts, and more. Once you see his movies back to back, you really take notice on how he has developed as an animator. From the somewhat simple and geniusly wicked "Ah l'amour" to the playful cinematic parody that is "Genre".

"Genre", 1996

The misery of two humans is portrayed in "Lily and Jim", which is about an awkward blind date gone terribly wrong. On to his most evil film, "Billy's Balloon" which I mentioned earlier, and his most popular film to date, "Rejected", which is about the fictional mental breakdown of Don himself as an animator, and about the evil of commercialism that is jammed down our throats on a daily basis.
Buy more. Buy more now. And be happy.

"Lily and Jim", 1997

Last feature on the DVD, but definitely not least, is the overwhelming piece of art that is "The Meaning of Life", which explores the past and future evolution of humans, where we are going, and where we are now. Are we nothing more than ants on a hill, droning and strolling around the world, or can humanity rise to be something more?
The question is asked, but left to the viewer to answer.

"The Meaning of Life", 2005

As if these digitally remastered shorts (supervised by Don himself, who "hated every living second of it", according to the back cover) weren't enough, there's tons and kilos of special features to explore. Everything from camera notes, script pages, sketches, pencil tests, to photographs, audio commentaries, a trivia subtitle track, a documentary and much more. The sheer volume of interesting content that was put on this DVD is a really amazing effort. Simply put, if you're a fan of Don's, a fan of animation, or just a fan of film, you'll want to have this disc. You need it. You really do, you just don't know it yet.

Don is just about done with his latest movie, titled "Everything Will Be OK", which is part one in a future trilogy. If he's moving in the direction that "The Meaning of Life" was pointing to, I think that Don may very well become one of the most creative filmmakers ever.

"Everything Will Be OK", 2006

Visit http://www.bitterfilms.com to order "Bitter films - vol. 1" and for more info about Don Hertzfeldt and his movies.

Crazy Jack-Face 13

2006-10-16T06:08:00.000+02:00

"Come on, Charlie!"

late night staring contest...

2006-10-15T04:12:00.000+02:00

I went outside the apartment a couple of minutes ago for the first time in days. I deemed it necessary, because my cough has just gone away, and I needed some fresh air. It was cold, but very refreshing.

As I was walking around the courtyard, minding my own business, I notice an attractive woman in one of the windows, staring at me. I try not to look at her, so I look at other things, like the ground, or the road, for example. I do this for a minute or two, and when I turn around, I see that she's still there, staring. At me. I try to ignore her, but I still see her in my peripheral vision, and guess what she's doing? That's right, she's still fucking staring. I'm getting freaked out at this point, so I walk back into my apartment.

Please, lady, stop staring at me! Can't a guy walk around his courtyard late at night without being stared at? I need the fresh air, dammit!

Next time, I'll stare back. See how she likes it. Nah. I'll look like a pervert if I stare into windows late at night. I hope she's not there next time. Stupid, scary lady, can't even be by myself late at night....

woman deepthroated by Thor...

2006-10-12T17:42:00.000+02:00

Seems like my PS3 preorder plan has a teeny tiny hole in it. Apparently, once you send in your registration key and complete your preorder, you can't cancel it. And I can't complete it until I know for sure that I can afford it, which makes my preorder plan somewhat redundant. At least I got a nice free shiny disc with photographs and moving pictures with sound.

In other news, a woman from Australia (crikey!) severely burned her anus when she was brushing her teeth.

Wait, what? How did this happen?

Apparently (last time I use this world for today, promise), the woman was drinking water directly from her tap, when lightning struck her house. The bolt traveled through her pipes, out the tap, into her mouth, through her pipes, and out her ass. Wow. I don't know about you, but doesn't the whole thing sound like the origin of a (very bad) superhero porn comedy series?

After a nearly fatal freak lightning accident in her bathroom, Lotta Longlovin discovered that her genetic code has been changed, and has altered her body forever. She now has a unique special ability that can help serve mankind, fight evil, and make sex... electrifying. She takes on the character of...
FantASStic Lightning Babe!

Will she use her power to shoot lightning out her ass for good or evil? Tune in next week to see FantASStic Lightning Babe recruit her new partners, Lightning Rod and Lightning Tod. Guess what special ability they have?

Weird.

Here's my take on how it might've looked like for a split second. Wha?

Read the full story here. Doo?

I think my cold is getting the better of me. I'm not usually this zany or dirty. Hmm... this merits investigation.

two ways of spending a holyfuckton of money...

2006-10-11T23:02:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I unofficially jumped on the bandwagon for the next generation of high-definition home entertainment; I preordered a Sony Playstation 3 Home Entertainment System. I know, it costs a shitton of money, but it's not released until March, so if I feel I can't afford it come March, I'll just ninja-cancel my preorder. I can't lose.

The newspapers today reported that a Swedish politician hasn't paid any TV-fees at all for the last 16 years. Now, when the cats out of the bag, she says that she'd like to shell out the total sum she's previously failed to pay. Not adjusted to inflation, she's agreed to pay up about $3,112 and 65 cents (23 376 SEK), plus a fine for breaking the law. Serves the bitch right. Especially considering that she's handling the cultural branch of the government.

In the eternal words of Dan Castellaneta; 'D'oh!'

cold and miserable...

2006-10-10T04:29:00.000+02:00

My comic strip, which I wrote about here, has been published! Granted, they only used it as a reminder for the contest I submitted it to, but still... it's kinda cool. Check it out here (it's in Swedish.)

I've got a cold. So now I'm just at home, taking it easy. Not a major change from my usual unemployed life, but now I feel twice as miserable. Oh well, complaining doesn't help, so I'll stop now.

youtube makes my day a bit more fun...

2006-10-09T14:06:00.000+02:00

Ever had someone poke you on the side when you least expect it? Doesn't that just make you... MAAAD??

This caught me totally off guard.

Pure evil.

Crazy Jack-Face 10, 11, 12

2006-10-07T03:57:00.000+02:00

"No..."

"...being a drunk..."

"...is *not* obsessive."

don't blow it...

2006-10-06T17:57:00.000+02:00

Went to my second job interview today, and I'm glad to report that it went a lot better this time around. I was much more relaxed and comfortable.

The job I was interviewing for this time is about 60 kilometers (about 40 miles) from here. Not looking forward going back and forth that distance every day, but it beats doing nothing and not making any money. We'll see how it goes, if I get called back for a second interview or not.

find yourself lost...

2006-10-04T23:24:00.000+02:00

4 8 15 16 23 42

Tonight is the season premiere of LOST, one of my favorite TV shows. When we left season two, Kate, Sawyer and Jack were captured by the seemingly evil group they call "The Others", and Michael and his boy Walt were given a boat and directions away from the island, after Michael's betrayal.

The Hatch computer's timer finally reached zero, and we found out that it's purpose was to release some mysterious electromagnetic buildup from the island. The timer had reached zero one time before, when Desmond, the man that the crash-survivors found living in The Hatch in the season two premiere, failed to "push the button", as he called it. The magnetic buildup that followed his failure was what caused the plane to crash on the island, when the show started. Luckily, Desmond somehow managed to release the magnetic buildup this first time before it was too late, but not the second time, when season two ended, thanks to Locke.

Who are these "Others" really? And what interest do they have in this specific trio of people they have kidnapped? Is there really a sickness? What is the Dharma Initiative? How will the rest of the survivors go on without their leader, Jack? And What happened to Desmond, Mr. Eko and Locke after the finale? These are the questions we hope to find out now, when season three begins.

On another note, after my catastrophic job interview yesterday, I have been summoned to another interview for another company, to take place this Friday. I hope it'll end up a lot better than last time. As always, I'll let you know how it went.

the first of many...

2006-10-03T13:16:00.000+02:00

Still unemployed. I didn't get the job. Even though I had prepared myself with what kind of questions I might be asked, and tried to find out as much as I could about the company, I was way to nervous when I sat down and the interviewer started asking questions. At least I got some tips and pointers for my next time, and for my life in general, which was nice and honest of him. He even asked for the address to this website, which I gave. I hope he doesn't find the content too offensive for his taste. Or too boring.

Oh well, that's that. My very first formal job interview. Many more to come.

Crazy Jack-Face 9

2006-10-02T02:18:00.000+02:00

"Grrr!"

so happy...!

2006-09-29T16:16:00.000+02:00

I have been scheduled for a job interview on Tuesday! This job is so mine, I can taste it. It's for the office supply job, if you must know.

I'm really excited! I'll let you know how it goes.

ten of the worst computer related offences in movies and TV-shows

2006-09-27T16:24:00.000+02:00

10. Terminator 3 - Rise of the Machines

The scene where the Terminatrix "hacks" into a bunch of cars to remote-steer them and chase John Connor. Cringeworthy galore. Also...
"The firewalls are holding, sir!"

9. Independence Day

Dr. Jeff Goldblum uses a Macintosh laptop to destroy the alien mothership with a computer virus and save the world. Guess the aliens use USB-connections like everyone else? Aliens, try using NOD32 or Norton AntiVirus before messing with us.
Welcome to earf.

8. Jurassic Park

If the line "It's a UNIX-system, I know this" isn't cheesy enough, how about the scene where Dennis Nedry speaks to one of the boatmen through a Quicktime window, with the progress bar at the bottom fully visible? Oopsie. Also, why would they use such a shitty interface to manage the parks security system?

7. The Net

The. Whole. Movie.

6. Goldeneye

[computer screen]
C:\>send spike_ [enter]

...

spike sent
C:\>_
[/computer screen]

Me: Oh my God, Boris! You are the best hacker in the world!
Boris: Yes! I am invincible!

5. Hackers

The Internet is all colorful and made of virtual skyscrapers... not.

4. Disclosure

Michael Douglas is raped by Demi Moore and later uses a virtual reality helmet to flip through a virtual filing cabinet to clear his name. Which of these two scenarios are most unlikely to happen in real life?

3. 24

- Chloe, I want you to open a socket to division, get an infrared imaging sattelite on the terrorists and route it on a secure channel to my PDA.
- Sure thing, Jack... Wait, what?

2. Mission: Impossible

Ethan Hunt is trying to find out information about a biblical verse. What does Ethan Hunt do? Ethan Hunt starts emailing aimlessly to random adresses like "max@job 3:14". Right after that, Ethan Hunt emails "dianetics@ron.fucked.up.my mind".

1. C.S.I.
Original, Miami, New York - All guilty
I can't even watch any of these shows any more. It's too embarrasing. Here's a sample of the actual dialouge from the show:

Gil/Horatio/Mac: This low-resolution picture taken from a shitty '80s security camera is supposedly the last picture of our victim. We better find some clues!
Computer nerd: Sure thing, boss. Lemme just zoom the picture...

Gil/Horatio/Mac: Good. Zoom in on the face. We have to verify her identity.
Computer nerd: Okay, let's zoom...

Gil/Horatio/Mac: NOW, COMMENCE THE ENHANCEMENT OF THE PICTURE!
Computer nerd: ENHANCEMENT BEGINULATED!

Gil/Horatio/Mac: Yes, it is her. Thank God for the illogical wonders of computer magic that can create details in a picture out of thin air! Otherwise we wouldn't even be able to solve a spoonful of sugar in hot water!
Computer nerd: Amen, boss! Let's wait for another deus ex machina to help us find out who the killer is.

If you, the reader, can come up with other similar offences, feel free to drop a line in my comment box. I might even add it.

Crazy Jack-Face 8

2006-09-25T01:57:00.000+02:00

"Maybe all of this - the computer, the button - is just a mind game?"

who do they think I am? martha stewart?

2006-09-22T15:17:00.000+02:00

Busy day. Today I applied for no more than three jobs, and none of which is a job I actually want. I had a meeting at the unemployment office, and after talking about what I should and should not do, the guy shoves a stack of papers in my hand and says "apply for these jobs, or you'll lose all your future privileges."

Very well. I went home and started writing. The first job was as a receptionist in another town not too far away from here. The last day for sending in the application was today. Close call. The second job was as a salesman for mobile phones. It's located about an hour from here. Not looking foward going back and forth every single morning and evening, but what the hell, I'll do it.

Now, this is where it gets interesting. The third job was as a furniture salesman. That's what the title said anyway. The description said something else. It said that I will visit decorating offices and architects, and help them to coordinate living rooms and stuff like that. They also want someone with an education in interior design (but it's not a requirement, mind you). They also want someone who has worked with furniture before (but it's not a requirement, mind you). I will have to count on doing sleepovers 4 nights a week when I'm working. Also, I need to be able to speak English.

Why the fuck did they dump a job like that in my lap? The only requirement I met was that I speak English, like every other loser in this country. Anyway, I signed the damn form with my previous experience and education, but I doubt they will even consider me, thankfully. I can't even imagine having a job like that. Maybe if I'm getting like $7000 a month for it.

By the way, I fucking hate Martha Stewart.

Thanks to forbes.com for the Martha-picture.

my first comic strip...

2006-09-19T19:19:00.000+02:00

Here's a comic strip I made for a contest today, on the Swedish equivalent to "Overheard in New York". I even translated it into English for you guys.

The style is slightly retarded, I know, but it's supposed to be that way, promise. Enjoy.

my one irrational fear...

2006-09-12T06:24:00.000+02:00

I love fog. I don't love everything about it, it usually gets pretty cold and damp, but it makes the night beautiful. I especially love how it makes spider webs fully visible, mostly because I can avoid getting it on me, but still look at it up close. I tend to freak out when I get cobweb on me, especially in the hair. Yeah, it's one of my phobias, spiders. Not the big ones, those I can handle, but the tiny ones that could be anywhere. I get the creeps just writing about it.

I met the friend, the one that was moving. Didn't stay for long, she had to go to work, but it went more or less like I imagined it. I hope I'll see her again some time in the future.

Crazy Jack-Face 7

2006-09-12T03:32:00.000+02:00

"WHAT?!"

what happened...?

2006-09-10T22:42:00.000+02:00

Ever had one of those days when everything feels slightly... off? Like some cosmic force has nudged the entire existence ever so slightly to the left. Just a teeny, tiny bit. I had one of those days today. Or maybe I'm just confused.
Gpthry snpiy oy. Yjsmld.

nothing significant...

2006-09-07T02:56:00.000+02:00

Nothing much to report this time, I just felt that the videos from the last entry has been on top for too long. I don't want to delete the entry, so I'll just write something instead.

I've talked to my friend, the one that's moving, and we're going to meet up before the move. Looks like my last effort has paid off. I doubt that I'll have much to say, but I just felt it was important to say goodbye, having been a part of her life, and vice versa.

I applied for a new job. Nothing extravagant, just as a salesman for an office-supply store. It's way better pay than the last job I wanted. I have a few other jobs I haven't sent my application to yet, but I want to see how it goes with this one first. I'll keep you up to date.

brilliant covers...

2006-09-01T12:43:00.000+02:00

The Mike Flowers Pops - Wonderwall (Oasis)

Mat Weddle - Hey Ya (Outkast)

Travis - Hit Me Baby One More Time (Britney Spears)

Richard Cheese - Gin and Juice (Snoop Dogg)

Crazy Jack-Face 6

2006-08-26T04:01:00.000+02:00

"Bang, bang, bang, bang."

"somebody else" got it...

2006-08-22T15:49:00.001+02:00

Well, I didn't get the job I applied for. Didn't exactly come as a shock, but what's there to do about it? At least they made the effort of sending me a letter, and telling me I didn't get it. Note; I corrected all grammatical mistakes when I translated it.

Dear Ricard!

We want to thank you for your expressed interest in working with us.

Unfortunately, we have to tell you that the job you applied for has gone to somebody else, but we wish you all the best in the blah blah-blah blah.

Sincerly, Corporate Stooge

Fuck 'em. I'll find a better job.

"We're the baddest punks in our age bracket!"

2006-08-21T16:20:00.000+02:00

Went out on my bike earlier to buy some groceries for dinner. On my way home, I had to get off the designated bike track next to the sidewalk, onto the other side of the road in order to get home. On this side, there is no track for bikes, but people generally don't care, as long as you don't steal all the walking space.

Anyway, I see an old geezer coming up ahead. I get as close as possible to the edge of the sidewalk to give the semi-dead man some space, but he just gets in front of my way, no matter how I steer. I slow down just in front of the guy to avoid a bad colission. I say 'Excuse me' as I try to pass. "Yeah, excuuuse me!", the old idiot says. I know that he deliberately got in my way only to say that I'm on the wrong side of the road, and what he says next only confirms my suspicions.

"This ain't no bike track", the fucking moron says.
No shit, old man? This ain't my foot up your ass, but it will be the next time.

I fucking hate old people who act like this. Next time, I'll run him over. With a vengance.

the last effort...

2006-08-18T04:52:00.000+02:00

Pop-quiz again this evening. Didn't win anything this time, which was quite a bummer. And I met a friend I got to know a while back in high school, and with whom I spent many of my lunch hours with. She is moving to another town for a job. We have not exactly kept in touch the last couple of years, despite the fact that she lives a mere three minutes away from my apartment, walking. She has been working nights as a security guard. And she was away for a year before that, doing her military service.

We've run into each other from time to time, but never actually met to catch up. I always wanted to, but she was always busy, or I was. And now she's moving. I doubt I'll ever see her again. I'm going to miss her, though. I'll make a last effort to meet up before she moves. Hope she'll have the time.

Ugh, depressing entry this time. Sorry. I'll do better next time.

Crazy Jack-Face 4, 5

2006-08-16T05:32:00.000+02:00

"WHERE'S..."

"...KATE?!?!?!"

always carry a smile...

2006-08-13T04:03:00.000+02:00

Still unemployed, which is a bit of a downer. I try to keep a smiling face when I hear my friends complain about going back to work after their vacation, but on the inside, I feel like screaming at them to be happy fucks that they actually have jobs. Whatever. It's the financial restraints that bugs me the most. Sure, I can live without the new DVD boxset of "The Simpsons" that was just released, but still, I really fucking want it. If anything to escape the boredom of staying at home all the time. Sometimes, the Internet is just not enough.

Despite being penniless, I agreed to go out with my friends last Thursday for another round of pop-quiz. At least that's free. We didn't do as well as last time, but still, we got the second place. The winning team beat us because of their sheir size, they were like twelve people. We were only five. I hope we'll win next week. Then I won't feel like an utter and complete failure, at least for a while.

chanson des escargots qui vont à l'enterrement...

2006-08-10T15:13:00.000+02:00

by Rian Johnson

Crazy Jack-Face 3

2006-08-10T05:03:00.000+02:00

"Why do you find it so easy?!"

a morbid bike ride...

2006-08-09T04:06:00.000+02:00

I saw a dead hedgehog today. Mind you, I've seen many a dead hedgehog in my day, but this time, it was really... horrible.

I was going out for a smoke, and felt like going on a ride on my bike. I biked up around the main street, then down to the highway. When I was almost back home, I noticed something odd on the highway. "Hm, is that a smashed watermelon?", I thought. "Why would anyone toss...- wait... No, is that...?"

And it was. It was a hedgehog. Or what was left of it. If you can imagine how I could mistake that dead hedgehog for a smashed watermelon, you might understand what condition the hedgehog was in. In short, it was a really fucked-up sight.

After contemplating on what to do, I decided to look for something I could use to move it off the road, because I felt it was wrong to just leave it there for other cars to run it over again. There was some kind of road construction up the road, and there I found two pieces of wood that I could lift it up with. I carried it to a piece of grass next to the road, and left it there. "At least it was a quick death", I thought, and headed home.

When I got home, I hugged my cat.

Rest in peace, little buddy.

the return of the superman...

2006-08-06T00:11:00.000+02:00

A 7-year old kid said exactly what I was thinking when I saw "Superman Returns" today. After about 20 minutes, the kid turned to his dad and said;
"When do things start happening?"
I know it's sometimes necessary to explain certain aspects of the previous movies, but it made this movie dragging and boring to watch. Now, I am familiar with the "Superman" movies, but this kid in the theatre wasn't, and even he felt it was boring to wait for the action to kick in.

As for Brandon Routh as Superman/Clark Kent, he was alright. Not spectacular, but not all awful either. As Superman, he had the same face all the time, like stone. But when he acts like Clark Kent, we see some more aspects of his acting, and in some angles, he really looked like Christopher Reeves did in the original "Superman". That, I liked. Also, I liked a line that suggested that Jimmy Olsen has a thing for Clark, since he follows him around all the time. Funny stuff.

Also, Kevin Spacey, one of my favorite actors. A character like Lex Luthor gives room for some overacting, and Spacey doesn't hold back. He's not like Gene Hackman in the original, he'sa bit more psychotic. A bit more flamboyant. A bit more... Spacey. And I can't help but smile when he chirps out "Krrrrrryptonite" (*listen here*) to his archenemy, Superman.

Things I didn't like...

1. Lois' son. Annoying, and if it hadn't been for that subplot, it would have made the movie tighter and better.

2. Frank Langella as Perry White. He's a good actor, but terribly miscast in this part.

3. Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane. I prefer a more sassy Lois, like Margot Kidder in the first and second movie. Bosworth's Lois is just a too pretty, boring mom who acts like an unsympathetic bitch most of the time.

4. The length. I know I complained about the same thing when I saw "Pirates of the Caribbean; Dead Man's Chest", but at 2 hours and 22 minutes, and with an already dragging plot, this is really justified.

So, to summarize, my recommendation is that you walk, don't run, and certainly don't fly to the theatres to see this movie. But if you still want to see it after reading this, by all means, see it on a big screen, so at least you can appreciate the flying scenes to their full extent. The rest is more or less "meh".

Crazy Jack-Face 2

2006-08-05T03:31:00.000+02:00

"Nothing is going to happen!"

Crazy Jack-Face 1

2006-07-28T00:58:00.000+02:00

From now on, I'll be posting a screenshot from the hit TV-show "Lost" in a series of entries I'd like to call "Crazy Jack-Face". Enjoy.

"Tell them!"

"Pop quiz, hotshot."

2006-07-27T23:19:00.000+02:00

Every Thursday evening, one of our local pubs hosts a pop-quiz for their guests. There's no enourmous prize or anything, it's just there to bring out the competetive locals and have some fun, and hopefully sell a beer or two to the contestants.

My friend Sofie called me today and asked if I wanted to come with and be on their team. Since I hadn't anything else to do, I gladly accepted.

I arrived at 9 PM. The pub was hot as hell, and while I didn't drink any beer, I must've drunk at least five big glasses of ice water, and it didn't take long before my shirt was soaked. The quiz started, and we managed to answer every question that was asked. Granted, we weren't sure at all that we got them right at the end, but I must say I felt somewhat confident when we were finished.

After the announcer pronounced the third and second place, my friend Katta turned to me and said that we probably got the fourth place. The announcer pronounced the winners... and it was us! We won! After recieving congrats from the announcer, we were given a gift certificate for the amount of about 30 dollars to split among our team members. Not much, but still - we fucking beat everyone else, and won!

After buying a Budweiser with my winnings, I bade farewell to my team and headed home. All in all, it was a fun evening.

there's a small chance...

2006-07-24T19:31:00.000+02:00

Today, I applied for a new job. As a hotel receptionist. A night job. Which works for me perfectly, since I'm a night person. Plus, it'll give me a lot of money. Night jobs usually do. Hope I'll get it. I should get it, because I fit their profile like a glove. Only problem is that chances are slim I will get it, since like a thousand other people will apply for the job. I figured it was worth a shot anyway. No harm in trying. Right?

I saw a really good movie two days ago. "Hard Candy", with Patrick Wilson and Ellen Page. It's about a fourteen year-old girl who meets up with a 30+ guy she met online, who she suspects is a pedophile. She is gonna try to expose him, after he invites her into his home. Really scary stuff, I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. Definitely a memorable movie.

Nothing else to report today. Sorry. I'll come up with something fun for the next entry.

these are five of the many DVD's...

2006-07-22T12:31:00.000+02:00

...I have on my desk right now (in no particular order):

1. Kingdom of Heaven - Director's Cut

If you didn't like the theatrical version of this movie because of the many plot holes and one-dimensional characters, chances are you'll like this version better. It's 49 minutes longer than the theatrical version, and we get a far better glimpse into Balian's motivations and his past.

2. Running on Empty

River Phoenix makes his first and only Academy Award nominated role in this movie, as the oldest son in a family on the run from the government. Well worth the $15 I paid for this DVD.

3. Jacob's Ladder

Tim Robbins returns as a changed man from the Vietnam war, or is it the world that has changed around him? An interesting movie about the human psyche, and the inability to let go.

4. Traffic

A movie that examines the effects of drugs as politics, business and lifestyle, through the eyes of a West Coasts kingpin's wife, a newly appointed drug czar and his family, and police officers on both sides of the US/Mexican border. Soderbergh shows the world his caliber in this instantly recognized classic.

5. Dawn of the Dead

In this 2004 remake, Zack Snyder renews the zombie concept and still manages to make a well-acted, horrifying, post-apocalyptic action-thriller. If you scare easily, this'll make you crap your pants. I didn't, but you might.

this is restless...

2006-07-18T16:11:00.000+02:00

I'm so restless. Now that my girlfriend's vacation is over, there's not a lot to do around here. Plus, I'm gonna be on penicillin for another 5 days, so I can't do my daily exercise until then. Sucks.

Good thing I have a bunch of movies I can watch. And books to read. I just ordered a novel by Stephen King - "The Stand". I've read it before, but it's so massive, (both in pages and in story) you always notice more things the second time around. Stephen King ain't exactly a Dostoevsky when it comes to writing, but there's almost always a scene in every one of his books that stands out, and makes it memorable. At least he's better than Dan Brown. Now there's a bad writer. I'm not really gonna elaborare further on why I think he's bad, but I can point out a few things in his writing that comes off as cheap in my point of view.

1. Chapter ending with a slight cliffhanger, just enough to keep the reader going. Every fucking time.
2. Characters really struggling solving a puzzle any 12-year-old with half a decent brain can solve within a minute.
3. Every other page, all the characters either gasp, become breathless, go out of breath, see something jawdropping, can't believe their ears, their eyes, their touch... you get the point. It instills a false sense of awe in the reader. For me it's cheap, cheap, cheap. Describe what they are seeing instead, and make it awesome for us, you rich, lazy bastard.

My favorite Stephen King book of all time is "The Long Walk". It's a short novel, written under the pseudonym of Richard Bachman. It's about a marathon across the US, and if the contestants can't keep up, they are shot and killed. There's only one survivor in this marathon of death, and that's the winner. Unfortunately I have lost my copy of the book, and it's out of print (at least in Sweden), but you can find it at almost any auction site. I highly recommend it.

"Each step can be your last..."

See ya.

this is unemployment...

2006-07-14T19:37:00.000+02:00

To be unemployed, fired or turned down a job is a mixture of feelings very much like the ones you feel when you're in the dating scene. Being unemployed is like being single, looking for someone. Being fired feels like when you're breaking up with someone, and you are on the recieving end. And being turned down job, well, it's feels like when someone turns down, let's say, a date.

I have been out of a job for about a month now. I have been unemployed before, but I was only seventeen, and hadn't had that much experience, which was usually the reason why most companies would turn me down. But I did find a job eventually. Now that I have experience, they could just as easily say "sorry, but I just don't find you attractive." Same thing.

The unemployment office is like that "friend" who fixes you up on dates, but only with the ones who are as desperate as yourself. And they are all boring. And stupid. And greasy. And they smell like shit. I tell my "friend" that I want someone with intelligence, humour and someone who smells good, just once. But they are all already taken. "This is all I have for you. The nice ones want... other people. Better people."

I need to find better friends.

this is dead man's chest...

2006-07-12T22:43:00.000+02:00

I just came back from the premiere of "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest." It was alright, but the theater I saw it in was filled to the brim, making the temperature inside quite a bit uncomfortable.

What I liked the most about the movie was how they had transformed Bill Nighy's face with CGI, making him into a octopus/man hybrid, and it looked really cool, and very life-like.

I also liked how they had transformed Jack Davenport's character Norrington from the first movie, from this...

...into this. Almost unrecognizable.

Two things I didn't like...

1. The length. This had probably something to do with the temperature conditions in the theater as well, but the movie was and felt too long. 2 hours and 30 minutes.

2. The so-called "ending". I'm not gonna spoil what happens, but it ends with a big- no, huge cliffhanger. I felt cheated, because there's no closure. They did the exact same thing with "The Matrix" trilogy. They made the first movie so it could stand on it's own legs, and the following movies as a two-parter. Had I known it would've been like that, I probably would have waited to see this one until the sequel was released. Damn cockteasers.

So there you have it. Wait a year if you can, that's my advice.

this is a hero...

2006-07-11T02:29:00.000+02:00

I bet most of you movie buffs have seen a movie called "Saving Private Ryan". In that movie, there's a character named Pvt. Caparzo...

"I pay attention to detail."

Do you recognize the actor? No? He's the same guy who lent his voice to this awesome character, in one of the greatest animated movies ever made... ("Iron Giant")

"...superman."

But most of you have probably heard of him as his character Richard B. Riddick in "Pitch Black", and/or "The Chronicles of Riddick"...

"I'll kill you with my teacup."

Yup, I'm talking about Vin Diesel. I must confess, at first I didn't like him that much. I judged him based on the little stuff I'd seen from "xXx" and "The Fast and The Furious", and thought he was just an ordinary action-grunt.
How wrong I was.

His debut was a short film called "Multi-Facial", a movie he directed, financed and wrote himself, and has been the main reason why he's getting jobs today. He basically made his own career from the ground up. The more you read about him you realize he's basically a ordinary, humble guy with a passion for his work, behind the mask of an action star.

For example, he's a huge "Dungeons & Dragons" player, and has his player-character tatooed on his leg. If that's not nerd-core, I don't know what is. He also created his own computer game publishing company, and was a huge creative source behind one of the coolest games ever made; "Escape from Butcher Bay". This guy really cares about his franchise, and is not an ordinary money-grabbing fake asshole, unlike many other Hollywood people.

On a forum I frequent, there was a guy who attended a Q&A after a special screening of "Find Me Guilty", his latest movie, and he was on the row closest to Vin. He noticed that he was so nervous, that one of his hands were shaking as he answered questions.

Oh, before I forget, there was that time when he SAVED A WHOLE FAMILY FROM A BURNING CAR WRECK! Click *here*.

Read it? No? Alright, here's what it says:

"Vin Diesel has been hailed a real-life hero by a lucky dad after the xXx star stopped to save a family from a car inferno.

The action man pulled his motorcycle to the side of Hollywood's 101 freeway after a vehicle in front of him toppled over and burst into flames. Quick-thinking Diesel yanked the kids out of the backseat and then urged their dad to crawl out of the passenger door, while trying to keep the panicking driver calm.

The whole family managed to escape the flaming vehicle before it was engulfed by flames."

Not that I'd ever want to be trapped inside a burning car, but can you imagine how mindbogglingly fucking awesome this must've been?

EXT. FREEWAY - (DAY)

CAR tumbles off the road, GLASS EVERYWHERE, and the car catches FIRE!

VICTIM
Oh god, this is it... I'm
going to die! Nothing can
save me now. Goodbye,
cruel world!

CRASH! WINDOW SHATTERS, and out of fucking nowhere, VIN DIESEL, sporting the coolest sunglasses known to man, appears with his muscular arm extended through the broken window.

VIN DIESEL
GIVE ME YOUR HAND!

VICTIM
Holy shit! Save me, Riddick!

FADE OUT:

And that's why I think Vin Diesel's a hero. Not just because of this incident, but because he made his own fortune, and showed what you can do with a little willpower and a lot of intelligence. Vin, you rule.

Also, *click here for random Vin Diesel Facts*. Refresh the page to generate a new "fact".

Thanks for reading.

this is a gloomy town...

2006-07-10T11:51:00.000+02:00

Thought I should post some pictures I took today during my morning exercise. Enjoy.

is that sky?

i feel the same way.

don't ask. i have no idea.

now leaving this cheerful place.

a river runs through it.

chandler: could this view be any more depressing?

this is Candy Mount'n...

2006-07-10T01:07:00.000+02:00

This is old, but hilarious, so I'm gonna write about it anyway.

This is about one of the most hilarious movies I had the pleasure to see on the internet. It has everything! A singing 'y', a talking liopleurodon, a cave, spotlights, an epic adventure, a dangerous magical bridge of hope and wonder, and of course.... CANDY MOUNT'N! Oh, and unicorns. All in just 3 minutes and 45 seconds. Click the picture or the link to experience this sweet sugary goodness. Yay!

Charlie the Unicorn
You'll need QuickTime for this version.
You can also see it on YouTube.

this is my first entry...

2006-07-09T12:03:00.000+02:00

...or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Booze.

Hello, my fellow Internet-monkeys.

Had absolutely nothing planned for yesterday. I was thinking about having a day with no requirements, no demands, no nothing. Just having a day off and waltzing around in the apartment half-naked and not think about anything other than what I was gonna have for dinner or what movie I was gonna see.

That went to hell of course, when my girlfriend's sister decided to show up with her three (messy and noisy) kids. Fuck. They occupied my computer and my PS2, so I couldn't have any fun while they were here. I should've gone out for my daily exercise, but I didn't think of that at the time.

They stayed until about 6 PM, and then, about fifteen minutes after they've gone, my friend Katarina called on my cell, demanding that I go out with her and a couple of other friends and get blasted. Being the pussy I am, I couldn't say no, so now I have a headache, out of money for the week, and I fucking reek of alcohol. Great.

Well, I shouldn't complain too much. At least I got to meet a lot of old friends, classmates, and my brother Robert. That's always something.

Toodles.