fuckin' hell...

top 5 porn titles...

I found these titles on bittorrent, and I thought they (the titles) were kinda funny. I'm not downloading them, I swear.

5. "Ass To Other Girls Mouth"
Yikes, too specific. Next.

4. "Smorgaswhores"
Whoo, clever.

3. "Mother Fucking Cream Pie Gang Bang 2"
Is this the movie with Jason Biggs?

2. "Attack Of The Monster Midget With A 10 Inch Cock"
Yes, this is a real title.

And now, the no. 1 porn title found on bittorrent today...
1. "Who Needs A Soulmate, Give Me A Holemate"

Honorable mention:
"Mad Sex Party Electro Cock Therapy"
Long titles are awesome.

my near-death experience...

Last year, I came close to depart this world, forever. I almost died. It's stupid, really, but I really want to write this down somewhere before it becomes a vague memory.

About 8 months ago, I was having dinner, by myself. My girl was at work, and for some reason I was in a hurry. I was wolfing down a steak, and barely chewing it. Then it happens. A piece of the steak gets stuck in my throat. I can't breathe. It's stuck. The veins in my head feels like they're gonna explode. My lips went numb, and my legs folded. I knew this was it. I'm dead.

But I didn't die. Somehow I managed to ram my back into the refrigerator, and the piece of steak I was choking on moved. After repeating this a couple of times, I swallowed it, and I could breathe again. I collapsed on the floor for a minute or so, then I felt like I was gonna throw up. I fought the urge, because I didn't want to give the steak a second chance of choking me again.

Sometimes I wonder about what would've happened if I hadn't survived that. I think about what people would've said at my burial.

Death by steak.
Only 22 years old.
So fucking futile.

I mean, we all want our deaths to be meaningful, right? Until then, I thought my death would be. But I realized that regardless of age, health, sickness, whatever, dying in vain is the conventional death.

So sorry for the emo post. At least I learned a valuable lesson; Always chew your food properly. Something I've been told since I was an infant, but we all need a reminder sometimes.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

five DVD's on my desk...

1. Die Hard 2 - Die Harder

Easily the worst of the Die Hard Trilogy (soon to be four films), but still enjoyable to watch if you want to see Bruce Willis say something cool after killing a bunch of bad guys.

2. The Third Man

Ahh, a classic, with a twist. Joseph Cotten plays a writer who finds out, after coming to Vienna regarding a job offer, that his best friend, Harry Lime, was killed in a freak car accident. After investigating the death of his friend, he finds out that Harry might've turned in to a different kind of friend right before the accident. See it, it has Orson Welles.

3. Dr. Strangelove
(or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb)
Another classic that everyone should see at least once. Both Peter Sellers and George C. Scott are phenomenal in this movie. Sellers plays no more than four parts in this dark comedy, and he plays every one of them perfectly. Must-see. Now.

4. Cidade de Deus - City of God
A movie about growing up in gangs in the streets of Rio de Janeiro. A very strong story and visually compelling, dispite being such a violent tale. Not for the weak of heart.

5. Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

If you haven't heard the name Shane Black before, chances are that you have seen one or more of the movies he has written. Lethal Weapon? Lethal Weapon 2? The Long Kiss Goodnight? The Last Boy Scout? Seen any of those? If you have, you've probably noticed that they have a very fast-paced, witty dialouge, a trademark of Black's, and Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is no different. This movie doesn't beat around the bush, and demands of it's audience that you keep up, so if you can't grip the story the first time, see it again until you do.

Oh, by the way... Merry Christmas.

penii cactii...

In light of a comment left by my dear friend Logan in my previous post, I hereby give you this, as an early Christmas gift:


Yes, it is penii cactii. Shamlessly stolen from funlol.com. Enjoy.

so happy...

bad things that happened today...

The bad parts are bolded.

The day started with me leaving about 45 minutes late from work to fix a differential in the computer system. When I got home, I thought that I should fix the one and only problem I had with my new phone; I can't receive any media messages. Big mistake. At first, I spent an hour on the phone, talking to the service provider, which couldn't fix it. I then had to walk to the store where I bought the phone and stand around for an hour, then leave the phone there with them for an hour while I do other stuff, and they still couldn't fix it. I have to go back tomorrow to see if they can fix it then.

Later, when I started feeling hungry, I thought I'd order some thai take-away. I called, but their kitchen had just closed. Damn. "Oh well, good thing I bought some food earlier", I thought. When I opened the freezer, I noticed that everything in there is not frozen solid like it usually is. It turns out that I hadn't closed it properly, letting out all the cold, little by little, all day. All the food and my Rocky Road ice cream - destroyed. Except for the barbecue chicken drumsticks, which could still be cooked. Thankfully.

Oh, and I haven't gotten my paycheck in full, yet. Probably getting fixed before Christmas. I hope.

If good things happen tomorrow, I'll write about that. We'll see.

at work...

using my cellphone to publish photos...

Yeah, I know, the camera sucks in low light conditions, but it's still kinda cool, don't you agree? By the way, with my new phone came a new number, so if you are a friend of mine, but haven't gotten it yet, email me or leave a comment.

this is the first swede in space...

Congratulations, Christer Fuglesang, for being the first Swede in space. Your long wait has finally paid off. Good luck.

Crazy Jack-Face 16, 17

"Where the hell..."


"...WERE YOU?!"

"that last hand... nearly killed me."

Went to see Casino Royale today with my girlfriend. I never thought that I'd actually go and see a Bond-movie in the theater, less actually enjoy it. This is, hands down, one of the best Bond-movies I've ever seen, if not the best. Allow me to explain.

I have grown a big distaste for the older Bond-movies, just because it's so formulaic. Every one of them has a villain that basically wants to take over the world, and Bond is the only one who has the wits and charms to weasel himself into the villain's girlfriend, wife, lover, what have you. Q, the gadget man, provides Bond with something that saves his life later in the movie.

He then has a formal meeting with the villain, just to size each other up. Then Bond is chased, but escapes from the evil henchmen. Later, Bond is trapped by the evil villain, but the villain decides to explain his master plan before he tries to kills him. Villain leaves, but Bond, with the help of Q's gadget, escapes, kills the incompetent henchman in charge of killing him, then the main villain, and goes off on a boat somewhere, while doing the nasty with the woman he weaseled himself into earlier.

That said, I actually enjoy one or two of the Bond-flicks, but only for it's campy value. The first one is Goldfinger, mainly because of the scene where the villain has Bond strapped to a table, with a laser inches away from slicing off his manhood, but decides NOT to kill him, for some ridiculous reason. The second one is The Man With The Golden Gun, because it was the first Bond-movie I ever saw. Plus, it has Christopher Lee in it. And that wacky redneck sheriff from Texas.


"Hey! You're that secret agent! That English secret agent!
From England!"

So, what did I like about this movie? First off, the dialouge is superior to any of the other movies. It also has a couple of clever visual gags, and you are smirking through almost the entire movie, sometimes even laughing. Also, no gadgets. And a lot of blood. Oh, and the new title sequence was really cool.

Daniel Craig does a very good job as a more ruthless, violent Bond. Not much else to say about his performance, really. It's spot on. Mads Mikkelsen and Eva Green likewise. Not exactly Academy Award material, but believable enough for this movie.



What didn't I like? The length. This is basically my only complaint about the movie. The movie suffers from lengthy action sequences, that not only forces you to suspend disbelief (not uncommon for the Bond franchise), but are borderline tedious. They could have easily been cut in half, and given us a tighter movie. Also, as with every Bond movie, we have the obvious product placement from Sony scattered throughout the movie. Annoying.

So, my recommendation is that if you want to see a new, fresh, improved Bond, see this movie. It's not the best movie I've seen this year, but you'll have a good time. 4 kills out of 5.